Bitter Truths
by kahlen369
Summary: Bella wanted to be turned. But now Bella realizes it might've been a mistake. She still loves Edward, but now she feels the bitter sting of regret. She hadn't expected this and now she can't turn back. 'Happily Ever After' isn't the end. ANTI-TWILIGHT
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is an Anti-Twilight (sort of) fic. And if that doesn't show much in this chapter, it will in the next. This fic is what happens when Bella's transformation from human to vampire isn't so god mode sueish.

* * *

Watching him through her newly formed eyes, she feels an odd emotion sweep through her—_hunger_. She can feel it in every inch of her, clawing at her. She is breathing hard before she knows, fighting against the unknown force that is trying to control her.

"Bella," The voice is distant, and she hears it as though she is deep in the water. A hand presses onto her shoulder. Gentle, but firm. She releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

She looks at him with eyes full of sorrow and he realizes then and there that it was a mistake. And he has to turn away from those eyes. Once beautiful brown—now ugly red. He hates himself for what he did to her.

"Edward," She breathes it barely a whisper. And were it not for his super hearing he doubts he would've even heard it. He forces himself to face her. He loves her too much to not. He loves her too much to let go. And his hand grips a little harder.

"I'm sorry," He whispers, voice constricted with emotion. She doesn't say anything and it kills him. He loves her too much. He grips her harder, as if afraid that if he lets go, she'll disappear. He grips her too hard, and were it not for the fact that she was now one of his kind, he would probably destroy her; he grips her even harder.

"It's Charlie," She says, almost out of the blue; but he knows better. "It's Charlie," She repeats, as if he hadn't heard her with perfect clarity the first time.

"It's Charlie—and I want to _eat_ him." She chokes out the word with such disgust that Edward feels the air sucked out of his lungs. "It's _Charlie_." She says so helplessly that he desperately wishes he could make it all better. But he can't. Because he loved her too much. Because he loves her too much.

"I'm sorry," He repeats dumbly as she begins to cry onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry." It's all he can do to not cry himself.

He wishes he didn't love her so much.

* * *

next chapter has a more cynical and bitter Bella; you are forewarned.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I apologize in advance for this Bella's ooc. But since she barely has any personality (I'm anti-twilight, clearly) I didn't think that was much of a problem. Sorry if she's a bit more cynical and bitter than canon Bella but character development does that to you. XD Okay, sorry, that was a bit harsh. What I meant was, that's what cold, hard, reality does to you. Not some idealized, cheesy, romance plot. Still harsh? Oh well... The truth hurts.

* * *

She knows she is hurting him. She hears the yearning in the silence that follows his every 'I'm sorry', but she finds she cannot fill the silence for him. She wills herself to respond, to forgive; but she finds herself unable.

Today, he comes to her again. Eyes full of he once more tells her in a voice constricted with, "I'm sorry."

She turns away from him.

Often, she reminisces about the past days. About _before_. Every time she looks at a mirror she finds herself choked with an intense sorrow.

She had always hated her appearance. Always thought herself ugly. But now, faced with the sight of flawless marble; she thinks of how beautiful she used to be.

She's scared to go out. She's scared of herself. She's scared of the monster she's become.

She finds it easier to ignore him every day. His 'I'm sorry's meaning less and less as time passes. And she has all the time in the world, now. She wonders how long it'll take for it to mean completely nothing to her. For him to be completely nothing to her. She thinks, I have forever, now. And there is no happily ever after. Not for monsters.

She finds herself growing colder everyday; good, she thinks to herself. Maybe one day I'll be as cold as this body.

She laughs every time she thinks of how she used to want to be this. A cold, cruel laugh that Bella knows scares Edward. She was a fool. A naïve, love struck fool who didn't know any better. Who thought teenage love was forever. Who didn't realize forever was a long time. Who didn't realize 'happily ever after's only existed in fairy tales.

She wonders if she still loves him. Her love, once so resolute, so unyielding, now lays waste to the pointed stabs of regret. She wonders if that meant it was never that strong to begin with. And for once, doesn't banish the thought straight out of her mind (like _before_).

She wishes her love were stronger. Maybe then the hunger wouldn't be. Because now the hunger is all she ever feels. She doesn't feel the love, doesn't feel the joy.

She wishes _he _were stronger.

She sees how easily he crumbles before her and she almost spits in his face in disgust.

She never wants to see him again. He is little more than a reminder of her own mistakes, her own foolishness. She wants to leave. She wants to leave _him_.

Yet every time she sees his face, she is filled with guilt. Because she did love him, once. And she knows he still loves her. And she knows that maybe she doesn't anymore.

She wishes he didn't love her so much.

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure if I should end this as a twoshot or keep on writing. It's up to you. XD


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